Heartbeat Press - July 2025 Edition

Service on the Silver Screen - Two Movies, Two Ideas of the Meaning of Service 

    While many things come to mind when someone mentions the word "summer" (including cold swimming pools, refreshing drinks, warm sun, and undisrupted free time), one of the quintessential, if often forgotten, parts of the season that I want to highlight here are the movies. Specifically, the summer pastime of enjoying a movie on the silver screen (theater or drive-in) to beat the heat and spend your leisure time well. While not as popular as it used to be, this entertainment activity is nevertheless an exciting break from the norm. It has spawned an entire industry of films that covet post-Memorial Day release dates and generally stays away from heavy topics in favor of lighthearted or comedic vacation vibes. But sometimes a heavy film is a necessary pill to swallow, especially if it covers an issue that viewers are passionate about. To that end, Heartbeat Press wants to introduce two films that both center around the abortion issue, albeit with two very different moral bents to them. We encourage you, our readers, to watch these films yourself in order to make your own determination about which one presents a better message (perhaps you have to do so as summer vacation flows by like a proverbial lazy river). For the time being, however, here are Heartbeat Press's ten-cent summaries of Bella (2006) and April (2024).

Bella - After a stressful morning at the restaurant that he cooks for, José discovers that his coworker, Nina, is pregnant and planning to have an abortion, claiming that she has no support system or money to manage having a child. While initially conflicted about Nina's "right to make a decision about her body," José also holds strong Pro-Life beliefs because of a tragic accident that he was involved in years ago, and subtly begins championing the baby's life. As the pair walks around New York City - having lunch, visiting José family, and eventually having a conversation on the beach - the two begin to bond, prompting Nina to reveal her fears of motherhood and José to point out the preciousness of every life. Spending time with José's family also comforts Nina, causing her to have doubts about aborting her baby as the day draws to a close. But she's still fearful that the child's life will be one of unloved neglect. In the morning, as Nina waits for her abortion, José arrives and makes one final plea for the baby's life. Five years later, Bella waits with José, her adopted father, on the beach for her mother Nina to arrive for a much-anticipated family reunion. As the film closes, the found family is seen holding hands, mending all their broken hearts. Pro-Life and Pro-Adoption Bella won and ALMA award for outstanding performance of a lead Latino actor cast in a motion picture.

April - In the Eastern European country of Georgia, April, and OB-GYN and abortionist, loses a baby mid-delivery, prompting an investigation into her practice and the judgement of men who, according to the politics of the film, don't understand that plight of women who find themselves pregnant with unwanted babies. Framed as a thriller and as a haunting picture of "the plight of women," the film delves deeply into April's subconscious in order to draw attention to the unseen world of abortion. As the investigation continues, April spirals into depression, the father of the dead baby becomes increasingly manic while searching for answers, a pale lurching creature haunts the film's background (symbolizing the dead baby and/or the fear women feel when facing the "unknown"), and the plight of put-upon women reaches a fever pitch. As the crux of the film, April questions how she can deny women abortions when they are desperate and left no other options. However, the film ignores the wide variety of options that do exist and the greater good that doctors can do by offering choices instead of death alone. The film leans heavily on its message, from a female point of view, and paints April as a brave and rebellious individual who nevertheless falls back on the expectations and judgement of others to justify her actions. Shown at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival, April was specially spotlighted for its boldness. 

At their core, both of these films have a message of care and quiet strength; however, their interpretations are worlds apart and carry different definitions of the word "service." In Bella, service means self-sacrifice and the willingness to wade through life's difficult moment as another person's shoulder to cry on. In April, service is the meeting of transitory needs and the defense of personal convictions despite pushback against them. Only one film is Pro-Life. 
    As difficult as it is to adhere to, sometimes the Pro-Life message is one of sacrifice, selfless care, and a belief in others when they may not believe in themselves. As demonstrated by Bella's story, people who are truly focused on service to other will give of themselves unreservedly and will champion life in even the most dire of circumstances - looking forward to the future and taking actions to get there rather than stooping to the "easy" out that solves present-focused problems. In a world obsessed with self, how beautiful are those that can enact true service, altruistically and for a cause that goes beyond self.  

Sources: Students for Life of America, IMDb, IonCinema 

Photo Credit: IMDb, Richland Student Media, 123RF.com

Heartbeat Press - April 2025 Edition

 

Miracle Baby - One Family's Story of Heartbreak and Hope 

    Suzanne, Peter, and Rachel Guy have been staples at 40 Days for Life vigils, the annual March for Life in Washington D.C., and dozens of other Pro-Life events throughout the years, so much so that the family could easily be overlooked because of their frequent appearances. But the Guys are worth noting, not only because of their tireless dedication to defending life but also because, behind their smiles and softly whispered prayers, they have a story of heartache, strength, and hope that exemplifies the Pro-Life message a hundred times over. 

    That story begins in 1998, when, after marrying years before and diligently trying to conceive with no success, Suzanne and Peter were overjoyed to discover that they were expecting their very first child, a little girl whom they cherished jealously from the moment they learned of her existence. They prepared her room, sifted through names, dreamed what it would be like to be called "Mom and Dad," and eagerly anticipated Rachel's arrival, imagining what it would be like to hold her in their arms for the first time, giving her her very first hug. But all of the soon-to-be-parents' joy would turn into devastation in the blink of an eye during their twenty-two week ultrasound.

    While the appointment began normally enough, Suzanne soon began to suspect that something was wrong with Rachel when the attending nurse paused while conducting the ultrasound and quietly excused herself to speak with a doctor (a step that had never occurred during any previous visit). Upon arrival, the doctor gave weight to those suspicions, coolly explaining a prenatal diagnosis that left Suzanne agonizing over her child's future, as the happy vision of Rachel she had held seemed to slip away. As Suzanne still recounts, "She (the doctor) said, 'Your baby must not have any kidneys, your baby must not have a bladder, half your amniotic fluid is gone. There must be something chromosomally wrong with your baby...you need to have an abortion. You could die, and your baby most certainly will die.'" An unemotional and sterile encapsulation of a child that Suzanne couldn't associate with her daughter and a solution that left nothing up for debate. But, even in the midst of her shock, Suzanne knew deep in her heart that there had to be another option for her child, even if that option was going home to await Rachel's passing. At the very least, Suzanne would not submit to the purposeful killing of the little girl she already loved so much.

    Making their intentions clear to the medical establishment (to let Rachel live as long as she might), the couple went home and tried to pick up the pieces. However, as Suzanne still admits to this day, it was difficult to do so and at times she doubted the decision she had made for her daughter. Was she dooming Rachel to an existence of hardship and hurt? Was it worth a few more moments with her daughter if they were spent in sadness and regret? Was there anything good that could come out of this circumstance? And then Suzanne's mother arrived and asked her despondent daughter a very important question: "Is there still a heartbeat?" When this fact was confirmed, the devoted grandmother then uttered the phrase that has stayed with Suzanne to this day and now defines the entire family's Pro-Life work. She said, "If there's a heartbeat, there's hope." Clinging to this truth for the rest of their pregnancy, the Guys also remembered that God has a plan for everything.

    Rachel was born via C-section at 26 weeks, "squawking" and fighting for her life, even reaching up to grab the doctor's stethoscope, which surprised everyone because all predictions had said she would be too weak to move or make any sound at all. While she was premature, the prenatal diagnoses had been wrong and, despite a stay in the NICU to stabilize, Rachel was perfectly healthy and went home soon afterwards with her parents to begin the life she was nearly denied at the onset, to its fullest potential. And she has done just that.

    To date, Rachel has attended dozens of Pro-Life events; has told her story numerous times, including in several pieces for Live Action News; has traveled to Africa to work with children; and, spectacularly, she's even written letters to the doctor who advocated for her abortion. Not in anger but as a heartfelt plea to pursue answers in hard cases, like hers, instead of giving up on babies so quickly. Over the years, thousands of abortions have been carried out because of prenatal diagnoses. While some reveal genuine medical problems, destruction should never be the first option, especially when unknown numbers of those cases resemble the Guys', but ended in tragedy because of haste, a mistake, and fear. God sees worth in every life, no matter its condition, so who is man to decide who lives and who dies? As Rachel pointed out, "I would have missed out on a life that is such a joy." A heartbeat is life and as long as it remains...there is hope to cling to. 

Sources: YouTube.com (Suzanne, Peter), Live Action News (Suzanne, Rachel) 

Photo Credit: Vecteezy.com, Live Action News.org

Heartbeat Press - March 2025 Edition

Babies In Boxes - The Anonymous Pro-Life Tool Saving Lives    

    In October 2021, actor and noted philanthropist Christopher Meloni appeared on the popular PBS series Finding Your Roots to delve into his family's history. Known for roles in series like Law and Order (as Detective Elliot Stabler) and Harley Quinn (as Jim Gordon), Meloni has made a name for himself through characters who often have a soft spot of the less fortunate, defending and enacting justice on their behalf. This is a characteristic that becomes even more unique when put in perspective with Meloni's own life, which wouldn't have been possible without the real-life defense of innocence affected by the kindness of strangers in late 1800s to early 1900s Italy.     
    While perusing documents on the show, Meloni read a certificate of identification for his great-grandfather, Enrico Meloni, that detailed his retrieval from "the wheel," a device that was quickly explained by Finding Your Roots' host Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr. as a type of primitive drop box often built into the walls of churches where new parents were allowed to anonymously leave their newborn babies if they were unable to care or provide for them. The children were then raised by the church or, in the case of Enrico Meloni, a nurse who saw to his upbringing until the age of twelve, when he was left to his own devices. Dr. speculated that Enrico was most likely left in the Foundling Wheel because his parents were poor but also noted that, given this beginning, it is extraordinary that Enrico rose above his circumstances, eventually immigrating to America and building a thriving family that produced a widely successful actor. Meloni agreed with this sentiment and added his own emotional reaction to the knowledge, saying he felt an extreme gratitude towards his great-grandfather in that moment.
    Foundling Wheels (modernized into Baby Boxes) still exist today in several US cities, where they can most commonly be found on the outside of Fire and Police stations. Outfitted with blankets, heating and cooling, postnatal packets for parents, safety-looking doors, and sensors that allow babies to be picked up by emergency professionals within two minutes, the boxes function as an extension of these first responder and medical services. Flourishing in that capacity, the boxes have enabled hundreds of babies to be rescued from abortion or abandonment. This perk was particularly highlighted by Live Action News in 2022, as the organization reacted to several relinquishment cases where infant remains were pulled from dumpsters and, in one heart-wrenching instance, the trash bin of a New Mexico hospital when the teen mother didn't want to admit she had been pregnant. Live Action noted that tragedies like those deaths would occur less frequently if more states implemented the life saving and anonymous baby boxes. Many Pro-Life groups have championed this effort for years, and after several box success stories, even the general public is beginning to take notice.
    However, there are some Pro-Choice groups and laymen who argue against the implementation of Baby Boxes, citing the expense of installation and the inhumanity of forcing women to give up their children as drawbacks to the tool's usefulness. Notably, these critics have failed to suggest any of their own alternatives to the issue besides abortion, which not only separates a woman from her child but also brutally kills that child and leaves the mother with years of emotional and physical trauma that many never recover from. While the pain of surrendering a child is excruciating, mothers who do so can find some comfort in the knowledge that they've given their children a chance that abortion never offers. Early hardships are surmountable, but death is forever.
    For Pro-Life advocate Monica Kelsey, the Baby Box initiative is of particular importance as the mission of her organization, Safe Haven Baby Boxes, but also because her own mother could have benefited from the option. Seventeen, pregnant from rape, and nearly pressured into an abortion in 1972, Kelsey's mother cherished the child she carried, but ultimately left the infant Monica at a hospital in Ohio. Realizing years later, after a career in the military and first response, just how close she came to death, save for the option to be cared for by others, Kelsey turned that heartache into action as she founded her company and now works to educate the public on Safe Haven Laws and the alternatives to abortion. To date, Safe Haven Baby Boxes has installed 191 Baby Boxes in fourteen states and has plans to continue its work until every state prioritizes the tool. 
    Though they routinely save lives, Baby Boxes are a woefully underused aspect of the Pro-Life movement. They utilize public safety resources and build on proven foundling policy, but are often invalidated by asinine arguments from the Pro-Abortion crowd. However, the boxes have begun to garner public interest, which may inspire wider appreciation and implementation going forward. At the very least, the boxes should be considered a viable option in a post-Roe, resource-curious, world.  

Sources: Live Action News, Spectrum News 1.com, Fandom.com, Wikipedia, Safe Haven Baby Boxes.org, Finding Your Roots, YouTube - Court TV

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Poet's Mind

I've a poet's mind, 

In a body burdened by the modern ideal. 

Rather...

Give me ocean waves and garden paths,

Give me dappled sun and love that lasts.

A swallow's call in the early morn,

And the sweet silence of a summer's eve.

The salt of rain upon my brow, 

And star filled midnights that breath a wish.

A blade of grass and spider's web,

The heartbeat of a love beneath my ear.

The gentle rise of a soft red sun,

The sudden rupture of a silent storm.

A whispered poem and dew dappled lawn,

And the first breath of Spring within long waiting lungs. 

Give me the world in all its minute,

For my mind is made of existence and moments most dear. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Heartbeat Press - February 2025 Edition

Aunt Edna - The Texas Adoption Crusader 

    It's early on a Sunday morning in winter as the warm rays of a rose-gold sun rise to peek curiously through the bedroom blinds of a large, stately house in Northeast Texas. Propped up in a chair softly stirring, a woman blinks back the sleep she hadn't realized she had fallen into before glancing over at the pristine white crib rocking silently to her right. A tiny child, two years old at most, rolls over just enough to catch the woman with its bright blue eyes which then glitter with recognition at the sight of her. Gracefully reaching out a finger for the baby to grasp, the woman smiles a broad if distant smile at the innocence of this tiny life that is so totally dependent on her. She wishes she were not its only lifeline in the world, but perhaps with time that situation will change. For now, she can offer the comfort and care that is essential for a happy childhood and the promise of doing all she can to find this child its forever home. Reaching into the crib, the woman picks up the cooing baby that grasps a whisp of the woman's bright red hair before snuggling into her shoulder to fall into peaceful sleep. 

    This was not the standard image of (aunt) Edna Gladney of the Texas Children's Home (now the Gladney Center for Adoption) in Fort Worth, though she certainly spent as much as she could spare nurturing the children under her care. Rather, the image most would picture when thinking of Edna Gladney is that of a demure and sparky crusader who quite literally changed the course of adoptions in the state of Texas and, in pursuit of that goal, walked enough miles to make the most devoted marathoner stop to catch his breath. 

    Born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in 1886 Edna Gladney was the daughter of a working-class mother and a father who didn't stay long enough to even know he was a father. Later adopted by a stepfather who did not care about her illegitimacy and instead gave her every chance to succeed in life, Edna's early knowledge that the world had rejected her from birth may have been a key indicator of the work she would devote her later life to. Roaring into Texas in 1903 for health-related relaxation, Edna quickly demonstrated that she was far from the wilting wallflower ill young women were expected to be. Instead, she took up a part-time unpaid position as the superintendent of a small children's home that was on the verge of closing forever, where she industriously set to work changing that reality. 

    Originally focused on survival alone, the home Edna took under her wing soon began to blossom into a life-saving powerhouse under her parentage. It took in every child in need of a home, including thousands orphaned by The Depression and World War II. It pioneered new methods of pediatrics and healthcare through its partnership with local Fort Worth doctors, changing the medical status quo and necessitating the construction of a maternity hospital adjoining the home. Edna personally championed the admittance of single expectant mothers with the goal of empowering them to keep their babies or place them in loving homes. She walked hundreds of miles raising funds door to door. And, most notably, Aunt Edna went after Texas legislation that required the specification of "illegitimacy" on birth certificates, a practice that was common across the entire United States and summarily doomed those bearing the title to a lifetime of shame and ridicule. 

    Perhaps due to her own status as "nameless," this cause remained a driving passion of Edna's up to and after the revocation of the legislation in 1936, at which point she went after similar unfair laws and backwards thinking. One reporter once wrote of these acts that, "Mrs. Gladney usually won." Edna's work was so impressive that it even caught the attention of Hollywood, prompting the creation of the 1941 film "Blossoms in the Dust," starring the fiery redhead Greer Garson as Edna. In hindsight, Aunt Edna appreciated that the film brought awareness to the plight of her children.

    Over the course of her life, Edna Gladney found loving homes for over 10,000 children (the majority of whom she placed and delivered herself), with many of them tracking her down years later to thank her for the start she gave them in life. Spurred on by this, Aunt Edna continued her work almost up until her death in 1961. Had she been given the choice, Edna certainly would have chosen to keep going until the end of time, or until every "unwanted" child in Texas, if not the entire world, had found a perfect home. 

    Many considered the death of "Fort Worth's Angel of Mercy" to be a tremendous blow, worthy of deep mourning and sadness. However, even after her death, Edna was fondly remembered as a spitfire who changed the lives of thousands for the better. A fact that is best summed up by a reporter's quote that said of her: "Mrs. Gladney's ministry of mercy has captured both the imagination and the admiration of the nation...for the undying place she has in 10,000 hearts, for the admiration she has earned in millions of lives...(and) for her reminder that human life is the supreme of all values." 

Sources: Wikipedia (Edna Gladney) (Gladney Center for Adoption), Texas Adoption Activist Edna Gladney by Sherrie McLeRoy, TSHAonline.org, Texoso66.com,

Photo Credit: Find a Grave.com

Heartbeat Press - November 2024 Edition

Britney and Jamie Lynn - A Tale of Two Sisters

    "I need to have purpose in just about everything I do," wrote Jamie Lynn Spears in her 2022 autobiography, Things I Should Have Said, that, among other things, detailed the actress's early career, family climate, and the birth, life, and near death of her daughter Maddie, in February 2017. An accident at a family home, cooly described by the media but emotionally explained by Spears in her book, saw young Maddie pinned under a crashed ATV and submerged in a backyard pond long enough to require intensive hospitalization and ventilation assisted breathing for over 24 hours. Thankfully, because of dedicated doctors and buckets of prayer from friends and family, the eight-year-old miraculously recovered - suffering no ill effects to this day. A survival that Jamie Lynn credits to the Lord's hand on her daughter's life before, during, and after the ordeal. However, this was not the first time the Lord had protected Maddie. In fact, her life started with an act of protection. 

    Unexpectedly pregnant at sixteen and unsure of how parenting a child would affect her relationship, career, and celebrity standing, Jamie Lynn recounted that, once the news of her condition broke, everyone around her was less than thrilled that a baby was on the way. Foregoing encouragement, tabloid magazines (that live on celebrity "mistakes") declared that the young star had "ruined her career" and had behaved life white trash. Fans agonized over the story and friends and family jovially suggested that an abortion was in Jamie Lynn's best interest. In retrospect, abortion would have been the "smart" option had Spears wanted to maintain her glitzy flashbulb-illuminated life. Going through with the procedure would have been extremely "easy" given its promotion by everyone in her inner circle. And Jamie Lynn's own sister, Britney Spears, had gone through the same problem with her own unplanned pregnancy in 2000, eventually going through with a chemical abortion, thought later writings by Britney revealed that it was a coerced decision. 

    But, young as she was, Jamie Lynn still saw the inherent value of the child slowly growing inside of her and, more importantly, recognized it as a human being, a beautiful daughter, who was not a curse but rather a great blessing despite the surprise of her existence. Battling the "Abortion is the Best Option" crowd and the relentless media, Jamie Lynn kept her daughter, never regretting her decision once. In fact, raising Maddie has enriched Jamie Lynn's life a hundred times over. The choice wasn't easy, with the constant media bombardment and her realization that she had to grow up very fast in order to be a proper provider for Maddie. But, by all accounts and with years of hindsight, raising an unexpected daughter gave Jamie Lynn a greater life's purpose than a decades-long career would have given her. And the unwavering love that forever links mother and daughter has healed many scars both of them had and would receive. 

    When contrasted with the reality older sister Britney Spears had endured, the miracle of Jamie Lynn and Maddie's lives becomes even more profound. Many things have played a role in the downward spiral that has been Britney's life. The world-famous star was exposed to the damages of fame at a very young age, existed in multiple abusive relationships (with boyfriends, husbands, and her own father), and has suffered from untreated  and aggravated mental health problems for the majority of her adult life. The abortion she submitted herself to at the age of nineteen is not the only instigator of her tattered existence. But, it was coerced, kept secret for years, and horribly bloody (mirroring the experiences of hundreds of women who endured chemical abortions alone in their bathrooms with the full knowledge that they had ended their baby's lives). Detailed in Heartbeat Press's February 2023 edition, Britney's abortion may not have been the end or even the beginning of her problems, but it was certainly a huge contributor to them, especially since the star endured it uncomforted and has never (to the knowledge of this newspaper) delt with the emotional fallout of an act that eats everyone who goes through with it from the inside out. 

    At its core, the story of Britney and Jamie Lynn is a comparison between the two ways an unexpected pregnancy can play out and the way each impacts a woman for years to come. Jamie Lynn resisted an abortion even though it was difficult, which necessitated the postponement of her career plans. But, ultimately, she has experienced a fuller life and has a beautiful daughter to go through every up and down with. In contrast, Britney was forced into an abortion and has endured the physical, emotional, and lonely scars of the procedure her entire life without much comfort from her "flourishing" career and fame. Case and point? Children do not ruin the lives of their mothers. They are often the greatest blessing ever given, the destruction of which is more damaging than anyone wants to admit. 

Sources: People.com, Goodreads.com, Rolling Stone.com, Live Action News.com, Things I Should Have Said by Jamie Lynn Spears, The Woman in Me by Britney Spears

Photo Credit: 

Summer and Autumn

Autumn's glassy fingers have come over the sun,

And rush to wave good bye

To his love, the Summer, as she slips away.

Allow them an embrace of chilly warmth at the horizon.

Summer flees the chill of her love,

Though his embrace is crisp and dear of old.

A parting caress is all she can give his cheek - stay...

"Until next year my beloved."

Photo Credit: Vincent Mallie

Heartbeat Press - May 2024 Edition

Blood Unto Blood - Warped Justice Disguised as Compassion 

In January, 1831, author Victor Hugo published his second book, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Becoming an integral part of the revitalization of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and an instant classic, the book pulled at the heartstrings of the reading public as it depicted the plight of "undesirables" and the tragedy of false accusations spurred on by a corrupt legal system. Only 275 copies were printed during its first run publication, but such were the power of its words and story that that was all it took to immortalize the book in literary history and spawn a dozen reverent imitators. In June, 1996, Disney created its own version of the classic tale. 

    While the animated movie took some liberties with its source material (making the story slight more kid-friendly and adding a happy ending), no one who saw it could deny that it was a beautiful masterpiece of art and music, the latter of which personally touched me, especially when I rewatched the movie and noticed a particular verse that is still relevant today and opens the door for a bigger discussion in the Life v. Death debate. 

    In the opening of the film, we are briefly introduced to a rag-tag band of Romani refugees and the man who hates the group's entire race, Judge Claude Frollo. After arresting the group, Frollo decides that one of the women is smuggling stolen goods and, when she refuses to relinquish her parcel, chases her to the steps of Notre Dame, where he snatches the bundle and fatally kicks the woman to the ground. Only then does he discover that the bundle is, in fact, a deformed and now orphaned baby. Horrified by the baby's appearance, and in an effort to hide his crime, Frollo attempts to drown the child. Fortunately, he is stopped just in time by Notre Dame's Archdeacon, after which the two men have a powerful exchange that sees the priest ask Frollo if spilling a child's blood is guiltless in the wake of its mother's murder. 

    What the Archdeacon sings ("Now you would add this child's blood to your guilt on the steps of Notre Dame?") is poignant - powerfully so when applied to the Pro-Abortion cabal's attitude towards babies born from rape. This, among other things, is a fantastically sore point even for Pro-Lifers because, when looking at the situation from the outside, one can only see the crime that has been committed and the "product of rape" that will "inevitably hinder any healing for the victim." It's extremely easy to whisper that the woman would be better off without the reminder of her assault. That an abortion should be done so healing can happen and time can cause forgetfulness. Pro-Aborts vehemently defend these whispers and many Pro-Life laws allow exceptions in their abortion bans for these cases over fear of "abandoning women in need." 

    However, consider the story of Pro-Life advocate and rape survivor Ayala Harrison. At fifteen, Ayala experienced a rape that left her shattered and pregnant, but she didn't let it destroy her. Moreover, she didn't let it destroy her child because she recognized that her child was a glimmer of hope in her pain. The child, a daughter, was not at fault for what had happened and was the comfort, healing, and strength Ayala needed to become whole again and leave her assault behind forever. 

    Ayala has never seen her child as the child of a rapist. On the contrary, Ayala routinely reminds those she speaks to that her daughter is her child and hers alone, and that rape does not define either of them. The same is true for every mother who faces the unthinkable and yet adores her child for the unforeseen blessing he is anyway. These mothers know that the circumstances of conception can't change their children's personhood or God's ultimate plan for good - a plan that has given their children beautiful testimonies of strength to exude their entire lives. 

    If mothers can see the value in their children, why can't we? As the Pro-Life movement, we stand on a foundation of "human dignity at every stage and in every situation." If we truly believe this, we can't turn to children conceived in rape and tell them their lives are the exception - that their story is unworthy of our care because of its difficult beginning. That we will turn them over to murderers because of a circumstance they couldn't control. Our love isn't conditional; if it is, then we are no better than the Pro-Aborts who offer acceptance only when it fits their narrative. Our God has called us to a better fight than that. He has called us to unrequited love, for in it lies our strength. 

    A crime committed against a mother dose not justify a crime against her child, and to say that women will never find healing without abortion does a massive disservice to a woman's strength and her child's worth. These cases are no different than every other case we defend. Do not shy away from them. Rather, live up to the Pro-Life reputation of love, and stand in the gap between the shunned and their fate (circumstances and all). 

Sources: Simonandschuster.com, Google.com, Addall.com, AbeBooks.com, YouTube.com

Photo Credit: Character Design Reference.com 

Heartbeat Press - December 2023 Edition

Mary - A Moment of Peace 

Picture this: It's early on a Monday morning, and the sun has just peeked over the smallest downtown buildings but the city below is already buzzing with busy people. Office workers speed down the sidewalk, tightly gripping overpriced cups of emotional-support coffee, kids rush off to school with hurried good-byes from their parents, car horns blare on the interstate, doors slam as soccer moms bustle from one grocery store to another, phones ring off the hook. Take all of this in and...one timid teenage girl sitting alone in her home bathroom holding a newly positive pregnancy test. Unlike the rest of the world, the space around this girl has gone completely still - frozen, in fact - as she stares in dumbfounded horror at the two little blue lines on the test that slowly begin to blur as tears prick her eyes.

     Unsure how this even happened, the girl's mind races with unanswerable questions. How is she going to take care of a baby? Is she capable of being a mom? What will her parents think? How will she finish school? Will her boyfriend be upset? Will her boyfriend leave her? Every awful option and outcome rushes through her head, but as the shakily stands up, furiously wiping the tears from her eyes, nothing seems clear and pure panic floods her entire body. She's not ready to have a baby but what can she possibly do about it?

    Now transport the scene I just described to Israel around the year 6 BC. Replace the pregnancy test with a divine angel visit and the bathroom with a courtyard in the land of Galilee...and give the young girl and name: Mary. As strange as it seems, Mary, the mother of Jesus, was once in the same seemingly "hopeless" situation that many young girls find themselves in and, she undoubtedly had many of the same questions and fears. She was afraid, she was alone, and she was unsure of what to do next. Her world went still and her mind raced. And yet in that moment, the most chaotic moment of her young life, Mary heard the angel who had bought the news speak the most beautiful command: "Do no be afraid." 

    Spoken softly and filled with a truth that clamed her heart immediately, Mary understood that, blindsided as she was, she truly had nothing to fear. Deep in her soul, she knew she would be all right because, though she couldn't understand his reasoning, God, the creator of the universe, the world, and Mary herself, had specially picked her for this moment. He knew what he was doing and had perfectly planned this pregnancy for a greater and glorious good. He didn't make mistakes or have lapses in judgment and, with his help, she was and always had been ready for this calling.

    Mary's unplanned pregnancy would go on to save the world, and, while hers was the only child to be the son of God incarnate, her story is still a beautiful testament to the simple truth that no child is a mistake. They may not be expected, their mothers might panic at the news, their lives may even hang in the balance for a moment. But, given peace and a trust in God's timing, every "hopeless" situation can become a great blessing. And yet, if Mary had lived in our modern world, she would have been the perfect candidate for an abortion. Preyed upon by the abortion industry and its lies that said she wasn't ready, capable, or strong enough to have a baby, she would never have had the opportunity to feel that moment of peace that convinced her to let go of fear. 

    Instead, she would have fallen for the "quick" and "easy" solution that Planned Parenthood offers to hundreds of girls every day. She might have believed them when they said, "This is the best thing for you." She would have convinced herself that, in getting rid of her child, she was exercising the empowerment that every woman is entitled to. She would have felt a wave of unimaginable terror wash over her as the procedure began, undermining any confidence she had that her decision was right. She would not have known until it was too late that, having allowed a murder, she would have to live with the shame and guilt of that realization for the rest of her life. She would have experienced the hell that thousands of women go through every year because no one was there to tell them, "Do not be afraid." 

    Where are the angels who will tell these expectant mothers that, no matter their circumstances, fears, or setbacks, their children are a blessing and they will be all right? Where are the calming voices that can proclaim that the Lord has a plan and doesn't make mistakes? Where are the hands that can snatch life from the jaws of death though patience and love? They are here, in the Pro-Life movement. As the God-appointed protectors of life, we must also be the hands and feet of Christ in the life of every mother who needs our comfort and our care. We have been called for such a time as this and we must answer boldly and quickly...because we never know when we will encounter a Mary in need of us. 

Source: Wikipedia, Luke 1:26-38 

Photo Credit: ar.inspiredpencil.com 

Heartbeat Press - August 2023 Edition

40 Days for Life - Everyday People Doing Great Things

One does not have to look far to find the leaders of the Pro-Life movement. Coming from all walks of life and with various beginnings in Pro-Life work, there are dozens of activists that can be pointed to as powerhouses in the fight for life. Some of the more well-known ones are Abby Johnson (the former Planned Parenthood manager who changed sides after seeing an abortion firsthand), Lila Rose (the undercover investigator who founded Live Action News in her parents' living room when she was just 15), and Kevin Sorbo (the star of the 1995 Hercules TV show, who routinely bucks the typical Hollywood stance on abortion). They all had a hand in reversing Roe v. Wade in June of 2022, and their tireless work is saving more children than ever before.

    With the knowledge that so many amazing people are already fighting for life, it can be tempting for an individual to take a back seat in the fight. And many do. Individuals, organizations, and even churches claim to whole-heartedly support the work, but then do nothing to aid it themselves. But, on such an important issue, which literally holds the lives of millions in the balance, sitting back in placid agreement is simply not good enough.

    Jim Ball knows this problem all too well, not only because he sees it every day in his work with 40 Days for Life but also because he struggled with the same reluctance fifteen years ago. If asked, Jim would have called himself Pro-Life. He thought the killing of innocent babies was wrong and he was reminded of the cause every time he drove past the abortion clinic in his city and saw people protesting in front of it. But it took a particularly dedicated Pro-Lifer (an old man who was seemingly always on the curb) to get Jim out of his car and asking what the movement was all about. In a few simple words, the old man helped Jim see that sentiment meant absolutely nothing if not backed up by action. Arguments fill up the air, but initiative taken changes hearts. The old man could have shouted the Pro-Life message from the tallest rooftop, but it was his continual presence on that curb that truly spoke volumes. Convicted beyond the shadow of a doubt, Jim joined 40 Days for Life and hasn't looked back since.

    In a sense, 40 Days for Life, founded in 2007 by a Jewish man who was inspired by the Texas prayer vigils, was the perfect organization for people like Jim. The whole group is made up of former sideline-sitters who put aside their hesitation and fear after feeling a Divine push to put action behind their convictions. And that action has been powerful and richly rewarded. 40 Days for Life has chapters all over the United States, encompassing over 600 cities. Its prayer vigils (aka, the easiest way to be involved in the Pro-Life movement) attract over 300 volunteers each year. The organization has been present if not instrumental in numerous events that either broadcast the Pro-Life message or influence legislation in favor of the unborn. And 40 Days for Life is recognized as the largest Pro-Life organization in the world. 

    40 Days for Life's sidewalk counselors are on the corner of every abortion clinic they can locate. Its affiliate group, Sleep No More (an organization that focuses on getting men involved in the work), marches in the dead of night to prove that, no matter the conditions, Pro-Lifers will always be ready to protect the unborn. Even simple contributions like hand-knit hats aid the organization in proving that it cares before, during, and after birth.

    While all this is amazing, it is only possible because "everyday people" got off the sidelines and contributed in simple but impactful ways. A step taken outside of an abortion facility. A hat knit for a child you'll never meet. A prayer whispered at a vigil. Grace shown to those who hate the movement. Small things piling on top of each other to slowly but surely create a mountain of testament to the value of life and the movement's devotion to protecting it. 

   

    Jim Ball's proudest moment while working with 40 Days for Life came in February 2013, when a doctor from the abortion mill Jim used to drive past personally told him that the facility would be closing in a few short months. "Your presence outside is the reason we're closing" he said. While permanently shutting the doors of that building was always the goal, Jim couldn't quite fathom it when he first heard the news. Years of marching, hundreds of volunteers, thousands of steps taken, simple people doing what God had asked them to do...had all culminated into something wonderful. Faithfulness rewarded. And, while the closed doors were by no means the end of the Pro-Life movement or Jim's involvement in it, after so many years it was nice to see palpable progress.     

Photo Credit:

40 Days for Life.com

Sources: Interview with Jim Ball

Heartbeat Press - November 2022 Edition

    

As November once again peeks its golden head over the horizon of the year, one thing is on everyone's mind: Thanksgiving. While this holiday of gathering isn't until the end of the month, the amount of planning that goes into preparing the massive meal, cleaning the tiniest corner of the house, and wrangling every last relative's work schedule has most people thinking about the task almost as soon as the Halloween decorations come down. But Thanksgiving isn't just about gathering the family together in abject chaos in the name of tradition; it is and historically has been a holiday focused around remembering how the Lord has blessed us over the course of the year and expressing gratitude for what he has done. Many families, my own included, have a tradition of declaring what we're each thankful for. Most answers are fairly predictable; the family is thankful for health, each other's company, and the food (the last one usually voiced by a small child or that one goofy uncle who is impatient to dig in). But, if you were to ask Melissa Ohden what she is thankful for every year, her answer might sound a bit strange and leave everyone a little surprised. She would say, "I'm thankful that I was given the chance to live." 

    Melissa's story began years before any Thanksgiving in a small, sterile hospital where a young woman had just gone through with an abortion. It was a procedure she wasn't sure she wanted but went through anyway because of the demands of her mother, a well known and domineering nurse in the community who wouldn't allow her daughter to besmirch their good family name. Over the course of several hours, the young woman had been subjected to a chemical that scalded her baby and emptied her womb and eventually left her feeling hollow and wracked with guilt over what she had just done. She had had an abortion. One stupid mistake had turned into something she knew she would regret for the rest of her life, and, worst of all, she had killed her baby...or so she thought.

    Miraculously, the baby, Melissa, hadn't died. She was severely burned and several months premature, but she was fighting for her life with every ounce of her small being. The nurses wanted to give Melissa the care she needed, but her grandmother wouldn't hear of it. This baby, this supposed disgrace on the family and a black mark on her "good parenting," wasn't suppose to be here. The baby was supposed to be an after thought that no one ever spoke of; she wasn't supposed to have a life. Wielding her respected position in the town, Melissa's grandmother demanded that the baby be left to die, tossed in a bin like so much trash. But one courageous nurse stood up and said no. Amid a flurry of threats, Melissa was finally whisked off to the NICU where, in only a short time, she overcame her injuries and began to thrive like any other baby.

    Melissa was eventually adopted by a Christian family and grew up never knowing the circumstances of her birth. It wasn't until she was 14 that she first heard the story and had to work through all the emotions that came with it. She was angry with her birth mother for trying to kill her, she felt guilty for surviving when millions of other children hadn't been so lucky, and most of all she was lonely. At the time, the mainstream media and the greater Pro-Abortion cabal said that "fetuses" never survived abortions. According to them, Melissa's life was a paradox and she shouldn't exist. That lie was Melissa's call to action.

    In 2008, she turned to public speaking and told her story over and over again, not only to show everyone that babies do indeed survive abortions but also to draw out the other survivors she knew were out there. In 2012, Melissa founded The Abortion Survivors Network and, true to her guess, she found hundreds of people just like her. People of all ages (ranging from newborns to adults in their 80s) and from all walks of life finally came forward, knowing they weren't alone. The ASN now provides all its members with counseling and speaker training and empowers them to raise their voices in defiance of a world that denies their existence.

         

    In 2016, Melissa met her birth mother for the very first time and it was then that she learned that her mother never knew that her baby had survived that abortion. The love they feel for each other is overwhelming and they have enjoyed catching up on decades of lost time. They are overcoming the horrific way they were torn apart and both of them are now thankful for the lives they have been given. 

Facts Courtesy of: Dr. James Dobson Family Institute (Melissa Ohden) and Wikipedia (Melissa Ohden)

Photo Credit: Baptist Messenger 

Hearbeat Press - July 2022 Edition

   

    The movie "Gone in 60 Seconds," is a pretty average Nickolas Cage movie from 2000. It centers around a former car thief (Cage) who, after retiring from a life of crime, is forced back into the game in order to save his brother from a crime syndicate run by a particularly nasty crime boss. It's not a movie that is meant to make you think and is instead filled with all the explosions, high octane car chases, and general B movie material that you would expect from a low budget action film. It's dumb, cheesy, and hardly worth the two hours and seven minutes that it takes to watch it. By comparison, Abby Johnson's story of "Gone in 60 Seconds" is much different. 
    Abby Johnson was at the top of her game and well on her way to getting everything she ever wanted. At just 29 years old she was the director of a well performing Planned Parenthood clinic in Bryan, Texas, she had just been awarded the 2008 employee of the year award, and she was in a perfect position to rise higher in the ranks of the greater Planned Parenthood corporation. And then she was asked to assist in an ultrasound-guided abortion on September 26, 2009.
    Though she had been director of her clinic for years and had been volunteering with the organization since college, she had never seen an ultrasound-guided abortion before. And, because she had never seen or participated in the procedure before, she didn't think anything of it. She stepped into the procedure room eager to help; little did she know she would walk out of that room a changed woman. 
    At the request of the visiting abortion doctor, Abby took up the probe on the ultrasound machine and held it to the abdomen of the woman who was resting on the examination table in front of her. The machine purred as it sprung to life and began transmitting grainy black and white images onto a nearby monitor and, as the doctor and the attending nurse prepped the patient for the procedure, Abby glanced up at the screen. What she saw glued her eyes to it. In her own words Abby recalls, "When I looked on the screen I saw a baby on the screen." There it was, pixelated and yet in clear focus, the outline of the tiny thirteen week old baby calmly nestled inside of its mother's womb. Abby couldn't help but look closer. This didn't look anything like the clump of cells or inanimate tissue that was suppose to be present at this stage of the pregnancy. It was human. 
    As she continued to watch, another form appeared on the screen just inches away from the baby: a suction tube barely bigger than two inches. For a split second, as the alien-looking device moved closer and closer to the baby, Abby remembers thinking that it didn't belong, that this whole thing was wrong, and she had the horrible realization that she was helping it happen. "I saw the probe going into the woman's uterus, and then at that moment, I saw the baby moving, and trying to get away from the probe." Abby recalls. But it was too late; without a second thought, the abortion doctor turned on the suction machine and, after a short and futile struggle against the vacuum, the little body crumbled and disappeared. In a moment, in 60 seconds, it was gone and Abby was left staring at an empty screen. 
What she saw in the procedure room that day radically changed Abby Johnson. She couldn't get the form of that little baby fighting for its life out of her mind and she began to realize that this baby was no different than the thousands of other abortions that had occurred at her clinic. A tremendous guilt welled up inside of her when she remembered all the women she had counseled onto that very same abortion table. Within the walls of her workplace and through her diligence, thousands of little babies had been brutally and quickly killed just like the one she had seen but never given a second thought. Racked with guilt and shame, Abby could no longer justify her work as she once had and, in October of 2009, she left Planned Parenthood. She went to the Coalition for Life, a pro-life organization that, up until recently, Abby had despised for hamstringing Planned Parenthood's work. But now, with nowhere else to go, she turned to her former rivals. They welcomed her with open arms and in true Christ-like love, helped her move past her former profession into a new, pro-life mission.

Abby Johnson is now one of the most outspoken advocates leading the charge against abortion in America. She routinely speaks on the issue and shares her story; she has joined the Coalition for Life in its prayer vigils in front of Planned Parenthood facilities including her former clinic; and she founded the organization And Then There Were None, a halfway program for former abortion workers who want to leave the industry. It was once said of Abby, "God touched and opened her eyes...she saw through the deception of the enemy and she came back to God."

Story details courtesy of abbyj.com, texasoberver.org

Photot Credit: Vitae Foundation 

 

I Love You More - Sanctity of Human Life Day 2022

In honor of Sanctity of Human Life Day
and in memory of the estimated 62 million lives lost to abortion. 

The sun is bright and the day is new,

You know me and I know you.

Hello little one what a bright smile,

Innocent and pure without any guile.

Little child how sweet you are,

Your spirit is bright as a shining star.

Bubbly and vibrant spilling over with joy,

It takes the heart with an easy ploy.

My sweet child I created you by hand,

Imagined you wonderfully perfectly planned.

An image of me but so preciously dear,

Cling to me child you've nothing to fear.

Little one I've known you ever so long,

I formed you with joy and a triumphant song.

I knit you together with careful craft,

I smiled so wide when I first heard you laugh.

I created your smile your heart and your hands,

Gave you a future and planned big plans.

My own little child a creation so dear,

Never forget that I am always near.

I love you my child without any doubt,

Now go and speak it from the roof tops shout.

Know in your mind your heart and your core,

You're my child and I love you more.

     

Photo Credit: Amazon.com

Abortion Estimates

Choosing Life

Abortion Will End

Let Them Live

Abby Johnson

A Poem In Honor of My Parents

My parents recently celebrated their thirty-third wedding anniversary. Over all those years, there have been ups and downs, highs and lows, and a lot of love, sometimes punctuated by some well-intentioned teasing. In honor of my parents, I wrote this poem to commemorate the day and to show them just how much their love has meant to me. 

Love is patient love is kind,

Love is all love is life.

To hold a hand you know so well,

To say "I love you" without a word.

A love born out of the new is grand,

But a love spanning ages is far better still.

Hand in hand ages passed quickly,

And you're quietly glad you walked this road together. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest

A Noble Savage

The wind is cold and the sky is grey,

Open your eyes to greet this day.

It sings of melancholy and long ago,

Hear its song as the wind wails low. 

You don't know me and I don't know you,

Between two people understanding is few.

But if you would listen to my short tale,

Perhaps our understanding wouldn't be so frail. 

You see I have lived a thousand lives,

Flown with the birds and tended the  hives.

I know the ways of nature and the world,

The years have made my face jagged and curled.

I have raised a thousand braves to battle,

I have hunted the forests and run with the cattle.

My feet have tread the high mountains of the land,

Made lives and homes with my brotherly band.

I know the ways of the wind and the waves,

I know every wild beast that lives in the caves.

My name means wise though its utterance is lost,

I've seen the world change slowly and at great cost.

Once upon a time the land was free,

There was open space for you and me.

The heavens were bright and the fields were ripe,

The stars shown like diamonds scattered in a stripe.

Brave men and savages fought for the land,

To each others' throats we would always raise a hand.

Peace in our time was a thing of the past,

Something we never wanted for we knew it couldn't last.

Battle and blood were all we knew,

Tears and sweat mixed with morning dew.

The land was trampled under our feet,

Ever onward we surged our destinies to meet.

I should have died so long ago,

I wished to die that our story might grow.

But life it seems will never leave me,

It's left me to ponder wait and see.

The world has changed since that long ago time,

But when the wind blows I can still hear it chime.

There's no place on earth like the land I knew,

No brave hearts but the very few.

A noble savage is what they called me,

For they cannot speak of what they don't see.

They do not know me or know of my past,

How long will this illusion of theirs last?

If I were noble the world would be whole,

I would not have let destruction take its toll.

A noble man works to see peace preserved,

Rather than fighting he works only to serve.

Gone are the days when brave roamed free,

But perhaps the fault falls to me.

Battle and blood bring glory and fame,

But once the dust settles you have nothing but shame.

A noble savage once roamed that hill,

Basking in the sun and drinking his fill.

But he's long gone I've taken his place,

Years have put lines on this weary worn face.

If the winds could speak what would they say,

Would they speak wisdom or fly far away?

Would they grieve the land where my brothers died,

Or would they say we picked the wrong side?

I've seen the passage of time roll on,

I've seen every sunset and every dawn.

The world has a chance to begin anew,

It starts with me and it starts with you.

The wind is calling and the waves do weep,

It is time for old enemies at last to sleep.

Time has traveled on and on,

And with it my age is forever gone.

This noble savage has fulfilled his oath,

He's left the world with room for growth.

Time will tell if peace can return,

But that's why I speak that others may learn. 

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

A Journey In Summer

Many say that summer is supposed to be the best time of the entire year and, for the most part, I agree. While I prefer the cooler weather of spring to the humidity of summer, I enjoy taking advantage of all the activities summer has to offer. I spend a great deal of time outside in the fresh air enjoying the sunlight, I take walks and ride my bike with my sister, and every so often I take trips to the pool or beach to bask in the cool water.

When I get the chance, I relax, but for the most part much of my time is filled up with volunteer work. For the majority of my summer, I am usually up at a Bible camp serving on staff; I really enjoy getting to positively impact the campers that I come in contact with and over the years I feel that this volunteering has helped me grow in my personal faith and has created a servant's heart within me. I wouldn't want to spend my summers doing anything else.

Last summer, I spend much of my time at Bible camp as usual; I spent my time volunteering and was surrounded by positive and Christ-focused people. I was immersed in Bible material almost twenty-four-seven, and thank goodness I was because just before summer started I had a very unpleasant experience that deeply impacted me for many, many months. This experience changed me as a person and, if I hadn't been around good Christian people and the Bible all summer, it could have scarred me much more deeply than it did.

In a way, I went on a journey last summer. I didn't travel very far physically, but I went very far mentally and emotionally - farther than I ever wanted to go. I never thought I would write about my journey, but once I thought about it a little more, I realized there are probably hundreds of people who have gone through the same things and would benefit from any advice I can give them. The journey I went on was long and painful, and it left deep, deep scars. But I have a feeling talking about it will ease the painful memories.

My journey actually started back in April of 2019, when a person very close to me hurt me very badly. For the sake of this person and other people involved, I will keep "their" identity secret (using plural pronouns to aid in that process), and I won't say exactly what "they" did. The important thing about this post is what happened to me after I was hurt and how God helped me come out of it. Knowing what the person did to me specifically won't change the important part of this post so that will remain confidential -  between me, the person who hurt me, and the few people who saw the whole thing unfurl.

This person was very close to me and I cared very much about them; this person was one of my close friends so it was extremely shocking when, in early April of last year, they began acting strangely and became distant. All of a sudden, it didn't seem like our friendship meant anything to them. One month passed, and then two. Every time I talked with them, they pushed me further and further away. I started every conversation, I set up times for us to get together to hangout, and it seemed that I was the only one putting any effort into maintaining a friendship.

I don't think my readers can fully comprehend how painful this situation was for me; you, of course, weren't there from the beginning of the friendship and don't know how wonderful it once was. So you may find it surprising or confusing to hear that, after half a year of my friendship going south with no real hope of saving it, I decided I needed to take a step back until they were ready to continue a fifty-fifty friendship. It may seem strange that I had to back away from my friend, but after months and months of striving for an ideal that just wasn't happening, my mental heath was suffering and I found myself falling into depression for the first time in my life. I just couldn't fight my friend anymore, and I decided that if they didn't want this friendship, I would let them live their life without it. I wasn't going to keep them when they didn't want to stay.

Even after I resolved to step back, I was still depressed. It took a lot for me to talk to my friend and tell them everything they had put me through during the previous months. Even now I don't think my friend truly realized how badly their indifference had hurt me me until I told them. I still want to believe that they didn't intend to hurt me, but by the time I learned the whole truth and owned up to what was happening, it was too late. The damage had been done and my heart was broken. My mind just couldn't comprehend why my friend - my very dear friend - had decided to take my love for them for granted. As I spoke to my friend for the last time, asking them to think about what had happened and to consider fixing what they had broken, my mind screamed. It screamed louder than my heart that was begging me not to end the friendship; it asked a million and one questions. "Why did they bring this upon us?" "Isn't there any other way to find healing?" "Will they even remember the time we were friends or will our time together just be another passing moment in their long life, something to look back on with indifference when they get old?" The day I asked my friend to think about what had happened between us was the last day I spoke to them; it was the day a beautiful friendship that I had worked so hard to preserve died. It was the day my heart felt numb.

The day I left my friend was also the beginning of a long journey of recovery for me. I never saw it coming but months and months of fighting for my friendship had badly damaged my heart and soul. For the first time in my life I felt like my emotions had been completely and utterly tangled up; I couldn't untangle them no matter how hard I tried. I felt like a part of me had gone missing and I didn't know where to look for it. I wasn't even sure if I wanted my missing part back. Nothing seemed worthwhile. Everything seemed out of place; everything was shattered into a million pieces.

I had never dealt with severe depression before so I had no idea how to go on living, let alone get myself out of it. To me it seemed like my whole life had crumbled in around me with not even a smidge of hope for escape. And all this because of one friend. One friend who had meant the world to me, a person who had found a place in my heart only to tear themselves away like my friendship meant nothing to them; my heart couldn't move on. So for months I continued in my depression, jumping through all five phases of grief one after the other. My heart felt them all: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It was an endless cycle that only destroyed me further. Needless to say, most of my summer and a part of my fall were filled with nothing but heartache. There were good moments, but underneath there was always the underlying pain of letting my friend go. There was nowhere to go and my journey seemed to have stalled in the most terrible place possible.

If I had been told right after I started my journey of healing that God had a reason for everything I was going through and that I would come out of it eventually, I wouldn't have believed it. My pain was too fresh and too deep for me to imagine anything besides what I was going through. I wouldn't have believed that my life would go back to anything resembling normalcy. How could it?

But I believe now that God had a plan because I saw myself change and heal even though I didn't think it was possible. God wanted me to trust him more; he pursued me endlessly to let him handle the hard moments in my life but I hadn't listened. I'd been too comfortable in a reality that was peaceful and perfect. God knew that I would never surrender my moments to him on my own so he created a journey for me that would bring me back to him. To our human understanding, God is very unfair but that's only because we can only see his plans from our perspective. It seemed unfair to me that God would use my dying friendship to bring me back to him, but I couldn't see what he was doing deep down in my life while my heart was breaking. Even though I didn't see it right away, he was making me new from the inside out. Through the heartache and the pain, he was teaching me one or two things about trusting him and persevering through hard moments. He taught me that I needed to be my own person outside of my friendship - that I had let my love for one person consume my being, and that I couldn't find myself once that friendship was removed.

God used my pain to make me a stronger person. He also showed me just who in my life truly cared about me. He brought my family closer and closer to me and enabled them to lift me up to healing during the worst moments of last summer. And, finally, God reawakened a yearning to know him more deeply within myself. He showed me that he is the only thing worthy of my undying devotion. I had been ignoring my relationship with God and was, therefore, depriving myself of his constant peace and love.

Losing my friendship was terrible; it hurt more than anything I had ever experienced before. If I could go back to a time when my friend still cared about our relationship and tell them just how much they meant to me, I would go in a heartbeat. At the same time, I don't regret losing the friendship, because, even though I went through months of depression, heartache, and sadness, the journey that I went on made me stronger. It strengthened my faith in a God that never let me go, and it taught me who I am as a person.

My journey isn't over yet. I still miss my friend sometimes and the scars I gained from my journey will always be with me. But now I know what I'm made of; I know I can make it to the other side of the battle still standing. I know that now and forever I have a powerful God standing beside me who will always fight with me.

Though we will all have dark moments that will change who we are, remember that there is light at the other side of the tunnel. A resolution is coming; you just have to keep moving towards it. Only those who trust in God will see the end of the battle and will come out of it standing. I'm standing on the other side of my battle, near the end of this particular part of my life's journey. My wounds are deep and my scars are on full display, but I'm still standing...because my God is standing with me.

Photo Credit:Stocksy United