A Different Kind of Love - A Reminder for Valentine's Day
"Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..." So says a 1 Corinthians passage (13:4-8) that describes the different attributes of love and its longevity for a portion of page that is undoubtedly nearly worn our of every wedding officiant's Bible (a fact that is not hyperbole, as some sources suggest that the verses are used in up to 60% of American ceremonies). While seemingly overdone, this passage's popularity is nonetheless warranted because it paints such a quiet but thorough picture of what Godly love should look like, an example that many couples want to build their burgeoning marriages on. However, this passage isn't just for weddings and newly-minted Mr. and Mrs. Instead, like every Bible verse, it should be understood as an example of Godly action that everyone can adhere to in whatever circumstances they find themselves. In that light, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is a powerful precursor to Pro-Life work before, during and especially after birth.
Often accused of only being Pro-Birth rather and completely Pro-(entire)Life, the Pro-Life movement has struggled to beat this accusation on a few occasions. Though overflowing with joy, aid, and helping hands when a woman with an unexpected pregnancy arrives on their door step and going all-in when it comes to getting mother and child to their delivery date, many people, even those who have promised their unwavering devotion to life, often forget that birth is only the beginning and that a much stronger underpinning of care is usually needed after baby arrives.
As any mother can tell you, pregnancy, labor, and delivery are actually the "easy" parts of becoming a parent because there are experts and supportive cheerleaders there for you throughout the entire experience (Pro-Lifers included). But once your baby is placed snuggly in your arms and brought home for the first time, those supports are left behind and new mothers, in the throes of postpartum recovery (physical, mental, and emotional), are suddenly inundated with their children's numerous needs, the stress of sleepless nights, the overwhelm of well-wishers popping in to meet the little bundles of joy, and the reality that life is changing right before their eyes, while still requiring regular attention (why is the laundry always in need of being done?). Add to this a new mother's fear of making mistakes, a new father's potential inability to help as he manages being a father for the first time amidst his wife's recovery, and the isolation that can creep in when a mother realizes she hasn't left her home in weeks, and it's no wonder that postpartum depression rears its head to affect 1 in 8 mothers, with nearly 70% also experiencing burnout and high anxiety. While mothers are more than capable of rising above these circumstances, can we, as a movement, really claim to be completely Pro-Life if we leave new moms to their stresses after their children are born instead of stepping in to help manage the mess - with the same dedicated hands and hard work that ferried mother and child this far?
While not coined under any one name, there is an idea quietly thriving online of young women stepping up to support their postpartum friends with practical care, devoted time, and good old-fashioned elbow grease. Harkening back to older concepts like Regency "Laying-In" and Chinese "Zui Yuezi," the heart of this hands-on postpartum support sees friends showing up a day or two after birth to offer all the help that they can to mom and baby. They bring pre-cooked and restorative meals. They tackle the piles of laundry, baby items, and dust that were growing exponentially. They make trips to the grocery store and run other errands. They hold baby when mom needs a shower or a nap. Anything they can do to make life with a new baby easier, and closer to the fulfilling experience that it is supposed to be, they do without a second thought because these friends have an ability to serve and the heart to put action behind love.
More than anything, hands-on postpartum support makes a new mom feel seen. She's been given the responsibility of caring for a child, but in many cases she still feels like a child herself, or at least wholly unprepared for all the unknowns that just entered her life and the tremendous significance of the tiny life in her arms. Having a friend step into that mix and happily offer to take on the everyday while the mom figures our how to take change in stride can lift a tremendous weight, bringing the true and quiet spirit of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to life.
In a modern world that has shunted mothers to the side, considering pregnancy nothing more than a disease and children merely an unfortunate necessity for population regeneration, what would happen if the Pro-Life movement also acted counter-culturally in this arena? Are we Pro-Life for the whole life? Are we humble enough to acknowledge where we may have failed families and make the necessary changes? Several sentences later, 1 Corinthians 13:13 finishes the thought begun in verses 4-8. It says, "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." Penned 1,970 years ago, Paul's words should remind us that we are nothing if we do not love and, in conjunction, that love has a great ability to change minds, hearts, and lives. Therefore, the depths of it should be applied in every circumstance without reservation.
Photo Credit: Stock Cake.org
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